The Twilight Saga
by MissA540
Summary: The Twilight Saga as a parody. I am very, very random, so if you do not like this, I understand. But tell me, okay? Rated T cause I forgot whether or not I put swear words in there. Enjoy it!
1. Twilight

**KK, these are just some little blurbs of fun. Summarizing Twilight! Of course, it's a parody. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Twilight, The Macarena, or The Cheescake Factory.**

**I also do not own The ChaCha Slide.**

Bella: I'm going to Forks even though I hate it there!

Edward: I am an angsty vampire that is the only single dude in a house of family members!

***

Bella: Crap. I'm getting attention. I hate attention.

Edward: Why can't I read her freakin' thoughts?

Bella: Jess, that guy's cute.

Jess: (jealously) He's taken. By me.

Bella: You're dating him?

Jess: No.

Bella: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: Agh! That girl smells good! I want to eat her!

Bella: That guys looking at me funny. Stalker….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: (runs away)

Bella: Where's that creepy dude?

(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)

***

Bella: I thought you didn't like me.

Edward: I don't.

Bella: ….

Edward: We really shouldn't be friends.

Bella: Why not?

Edward: Because… Oh screw it.

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: (almost gets raped) Your looking at me funny.

Edward: ….

Bella: What?

Edward: You confuse me.

Bella: Why?

Edward: You should be freaking out so bad that you need to go to the hospital.

Bella: Oh. Well, I'm not. Yay!

Edward: (whispers) Weird. Yay!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: I know what you are.

Edward: Say it. Out loud.

Bella: (deep shuddering breath) A mermaid.

Edward: Saywhat?

Bella: Crap, is that not it? A sprite. A Pixie. A Unicorn. I didn't get it, did I?

Edward: …. No. I'm actually a vampire.

Bella: Good. I was worrying you were going to sprout wings on me.

Edward: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: I'm scared of your family!

Edward: Good. You at least have some sensibility.

Bella: I mean, what if they keep me away from you.

Edward: Holy freakin Cheescake Factory.

Bella: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Alice: Hi Bella! We are going to be great friends.

Rosalie: Grr.

Jasper: I'm not breathing.

Emmett: (does the Macarena.)

Esme: You are so sweet!

Carlisle: I'm a doctor.

Edward: My family is very weird.

Bella: What? No they aren't!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: Let's play baseball!

Bella: Okay.

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

(Plays Baseball. Bad Vampires come. Bella runs away with Alice and Jasper, runs from Alice and Jasper, and goes to the playground thing in McDonalds.)

James: I want to eat you.

Bella: Not my mom!

James: … Yeah, your Mom's gonna die!

Bella: Le Gasp!

James: Come here!

Bella: Okay.

James: This is boring.

Bella: Sorry. Why don't we play go fish until Edward comes? Then we can pretend that I've been struggling a desperate battle for my life.

James: Sure.

(Later)

Bella: Do you have any twos?

James: Go Fish. Do you have any eights?

Bella: Yeah. Stupid Vampire Speed, you can always tell what I have!

Edward: Bella!

Bella: Edward!

James: Edward!

(Bella and Edward stare at him.)

Emmett: I'm gonna kill you now. (kills him)

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: Bella, are you being killed again?

Bella: No.

Alice: Then what-?'

Bella: Edward's taking me to prom!

Alice: Aww!

Bella: I don't want to go to prom!

Alice: Le Gasp! Whatever, I'm going to make you look glam anyway.

(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)

***

Bella: I can't dance!

Edward: Weird. I can!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: Make me a vampire.

Edward: No.

Bella: Oh sweet niblits. Please?

Edward: NO.

Bella: Pretty please?

Edward: NO!

Bella: Fine. I really want to though.

Edward: I won't let you sacrifice your soul!

Bella: Soul, Shmoul.

Edward: …

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

**Did you like it? Tell me! REVIEW!!!!!!! It really makes my day.**


	2. New Moon

**People review and PM saying to update… I update. People who don't bother to do anything…. I don't update. Get the picture?**

**I do not own The CanCan, Ruby Tuesdays, or Twilight. **

**I also do not own Kung Fu Panda. Or the X-Men.**

Bella: Welcome to the Premiere of Kung Fu Panda!

Edward: What?

Bella: Never mind.

Edward: I am going to throw you a birthday party!

Bella: Le Gasp! (faints)

Edward: ….

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Bella: Crap. I got a paper cut.

Edward: She's going to die!

Jasper: Hey, the blood isn't affecting me! I'm going to go to Black Friday! (goes off, licking a lollipop.)

Edward: If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have a paper cut.

Bella: How is it your fault?

Edward: You went to my house and opened a gift that I gave you at a birthday party that I threw for you! You can't get any more my fault than that!

Bella: …

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Bella: Edward? Are you there?

Edward: (creepy silence)

Bella: Edward, why aren't you talking to me?

Edward: (creepy silence.)

Bella: Charlie had a heart attack.

Bella: Renee died in a freak baseball accident!

Bella: I'm carrying Mike Newton's werewolf baby.

Bella: I don't love you anymore.

Edward: (Creepy silence.)

Bella: Whatever.

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Edward: I don't love you anymore.

Bella: Hahaha. Okay.

Edward: (whispers) _remember the script_!

Bella: Oh. Wah!!!!

Edward: (To music) Goodbye. Forever.

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Bella: I'm a zombie. Hmmm…..

_**Time Passes**_

Bella: Le Gasp. I'm not a zombie anymore. Huzzah! I'm going to see Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Bella: Let's fix up motorcycles so that I can make a voice of Edward in my head!

Jacob: ….

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Bella: I'm going to go find Edward's meadow!

Laurent: Bella?

Bella: Laurent?

Laurent: Why are you here?

Bella: I wanted to go to the mall but I got lost and stuff. You?

Laurent: Vicky sent me.

Bella: Cool. Send my love.

Laurent: Will do.

Bella: Hey, do you want to play "Chase The Human"?

Laurent: Sure. I'm it!

Bella: Ahh!!!

(Pack of Werewolves come and eat Laurent.)

Bella: UhOh.

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Jacob: I can't talk to you. Go away. Never come here again.

Bella: Le Gasp! Did Sam Uley get to you?

Jacob: How did he get into this conversation?

Bella: I knew it! I'll save you! (swoops off in superman cape)

Jacob: …

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Bella: (nightmare: Rosalie is licking a blood flavored lollipop and humming to herself. Then she attacks it.) Le Gasp! Jacob is a werewolf!

Jacob: You found out!

Bella: Yay!

Jacob: Yay!

Bella: Are you hunting any vampires?

Jacob: Yeah, there's a hot redhead that goes around here sometimes. We don't know what she is after, but she doesn't want to go against us. Funny, huh?

Bella: Le Gasp! (faints)

Jacob: ….

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

(Bella jumps off cliff.)

Bella: Alice!

Alice: Bella!

Bella: What are you doing here?

Alice: You jumped off a cliff.

Bella: Oh yeah. I was swimming with Jake.

Alice: You smell bad. Is Jake a werewolf?

Bella: You guessed!

Alice: (phone rings.) Hang on, my phone!

Alice: Le Gasp! Rosalie told Edward that you killed yourself! Now he's going to Italy!

Bella: Nooo…..

Alice: Let's go, hurry!

(Everyone Does the CanCan)

***

Edward: Bella, you're not dead!

Bella: Edward, you're not dead!

Edward: Nope.

Bella: I love you.

Edward: I love you. Will you marry me?

Bella: Yes!

Caius, Marcus, and Aro: Awwww…….

Guards: (looking from cue card) Awwww……..

Bella + Edward: Aww.. Wait.

Alice: You can't have the wedding yet!

Edward: Why not?

Charlie: Because I said so!

Everyone: Wow….

Charlie: Everybody, I am a mutant, one of the X-Men. So yeah.

Bella: That was weird.

Edward: Yeah….

(Everyone starts to make out and do the CanCan)

**Did you like it? Tell me! And remember to check out my other stories, they are like this one and I think you will be amused! Review, please!**


	3. New Moon and Twilight Outtakes

**Hey, there were some funny things that I didn't put into the first two abbreviated books, so here are the excerpts. The word wasn't working on my computer, so I haven't been able to update in a while.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Or Sadly Robert Pattinson.**

**And definitely not the HoeDownThrowDown. Or as I like to call it, the hdtd.**

***

Bella: (slaps Edward)

Edward: Ow! What was that for?!

Bella: That was for leaving me.

Edward: (Gets slapped again.) What was _that_ for?!??!

Bella: For saying that you didn't love me.

Edward: (Gets slapped yet again.) Why the hell do you keep slapping me?

Bella: I don't know, that last one was because I felt like it.

(Everyone does the hdtd.)

***

(Port Angeles)

Bella: Even though I am extremely unlucky I'm going to go to the warehouse district!

(Accidentally finds a Cereal Rapist and Murderer.)

Bella: Hey.

CRM: Hey.

Bella: Are you gay?

CRM: I don't know, really.

Bella: Do you know if Robert Pattinson is gay?

CRM: He's my secret lover. But shhhh…. Don't tell anyone.

Bella: What about Taylor Lautner?

CRM:*Sighs* I only wish he was.

Bella: Creepy…

CRM: I get that a lot.

Edward: Le Gaspe! She is talking to someone! I'll save you, as soon as I put on some more sparkle powder.

CRM: I'm a cereal killer.

Bella: Ahh!!! The poor cereal.

CRM: Yeah.

Bella: Who likes Miley Cyrus?

CRM: I DO I DO!!

Edward: OMG! I like totally love her…I say we all do the hdtd!!

Bella: You guys can…go enjoy dancing to the poisonous sound of Miley Cyrus singing!

Edward: Whateves!

CRM & Edward: POP IT LOCK IT POLKA DOT IT CONTRYFY IT AND HIP HOP HIP!

Edward: WAIT!! I have to put on more sparkly powder.

Bella: ……

(Everyone dances the hdtd into the fake sunset prop, until they hit the backdrop.)

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Everybody gets a concussion. Except for Bella, Rosalie, and Emmett.

Rosalie and Emmett are making out behind the backdrop, which dropped to show them but they don't know that.

Bella just cracked up.

**So???? How'dya like it? Tell me in a review! My friend Felicia had the HoeDownThrowDown idea, so give her credit. **

**For The funniest thing!**

**Ever.**

**Review, and please do my poll, and Read my other stories!**

**Talk 2 Felicia to.**

**Peace.**

**Lexi. (And Felicia!) ;-)**


	4. Eclipse

**Finally. Really.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

Everything is normal in Twilihtville, I mean Forks. And then…

Bella: Le SCREAM!!!

Edward: My love, what is it?

Bella: HHHEEE… Took my llama!! Edward, he took my llama, and he won't give it back!!

Edward: *headsmack*

Bella: I love you.

Edward: I love you to. Let's go to Florida!

Bella: Okay! And I know that this has nothing to do with the killings in the papers!!

Edward: Right!

(They are at Jacksonville. They eat. And stuff.)

Jacob: Are you a vampire?

Bella: No…

Jacob: Bye then.

Bella: HE HUNG UP ON ME! THE TURTLES WILL EAT HIM!!!!!!

Edward: …

Bella: Awkward turtle.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No.

Edward: Stay in the car.

Bella: No. Le Gaspe! Jacob!

Edward: Oh, squiggledypiggly, ump, gump, fizz.

Bella: Le Gaspe! He is on his motorcycle!

Edward: Future note: Get a motorcycle.

Jacob: Victoria.

Bella: Le Gaspe! *faints*

Edward: Now look what you did!

Jacob: I don't care. She isn't my imprint.

Bella: Edward.

Edward: Bella.

James: *back from the dead* Edward!!

*Cricket. Cricket.*

Bella: Le gaspe! It's a newborn army! That Victoria made! We must get the wolves! *chase music*

Edward: Jeez.

Jacob: *makes out with Bella*

Bella: What the h-e double toothpicks!

Jacob: What?

Bella: You are a stalker.

Edward kills Victoria.

Volturi come.

Aro: Somewhere, over the rainbow…

Caius: Sorry, he saw the Wizard of Oz movie.

Marcus: Let's all sing!

The Entire Volturi:

**Somewhere over the rainbow**

**  
Way up high,**

**  
There's a land that I heard of**

**  
Once in a lullaby.**

Somewhere over the rainbow

**  
Skies are blue,**

**  
And the dreams that you dare to dream**

**  
Really do come true.**

Someday I'll wish upon a star

**  
And wake up where the clouds are far**

**  
Behind me.**

**  
Where troubles melt like lemon drops**

**  
Away above the chimney tops**

**  
That's where you'll find me.**

Somewhere over the rainbow

**  
Bluebirds fly.**

**  
Birds fly over the rainbow.**

**  
Why then, oh why can't I?**

If happy little bluebirds fly

**  
Beyond the rainbow**

****

Why, oh why can't I?

Carlisle: That was, *sob*, so beautiful!

CANCAN Time!!!!!!!!!

Random. I know. It is a parody though, what can I say!

1. No More Childhood Innocence

Bella goes to Forks school. Edward and his gang bully her, so she moves with her mother. What happens when she comes back better, more beautiful, and determined to make Edward pay. T for mild language. Will like it if you are mad at Edward right now.

2. The Twilight Saga

The Twilight Saga as a parody. I am very, very random, so if you do not like this, I understand. But tell me, okay? Rated T cause I forgot whether or not I put swear words in there. Enjoy it!

3. Mike's Day

Calling All Creepazoids! Come to the meeting of Bella Swan Stalkers Anonymous! Anger her boyfriend. Maybe she'll go out with YOU! Mike after a nonsuccesful attempt to get Bella Makes a club. Do you think Edward's happy about it? Do you want to? Do YOU?

4. The Monster at Forks High

Bella learns that some girls that she really doesn't like are coming here! These mean girls are going after Edward! Hilarity ensues. Will the girls get what they ask for? And will Edward freak out at some of the antics the girls use to attract him? Funny.

5. Vampire to Burn

Modified by me and my friend Felicia, From Taylor Swifts Picture to Burn. Just a song fic, if you guys want to use it just review or PM me. Is not a Jacob/Bella fic! They are just friends.

6. Bullets

Series of oneshots. Named after the first one: In Twilight, Charlie doesn't take the bullets out of his gun. What does he think now that Edward's left Bella in New Moon? Coming up: Renesmee's Kitten.

7. Four Years of Suffering

Bella was left behind. Four years later, she is in college in Alaska. She finds a person from her past there. Can she forgive? Four months she might have, but four years? She is broken and bleeding. One-shot


	5. Breaking Dawn

**Lexi: Guys, you can take the handcuffs off now.**

**Felicia: Don't listen to her! One time when she was loose, she made herself her own birthday cake!!**

**Alexeya(alexeya09): Really? She seemed so mild-mannered… But now she IS thrashing and begging us to let her go.**

**MaDz(DemonChick344): You should listen to Felicia. She and Lexi have known each other their entire lives, and she knows what to do when she has her birthday episode.**

**Lexi: Let me go! I need to plan a party! I need to make cake, salad, and spaghetti! LET ME GO!!!!**

**Felicia: (grunts) Just hold on a little longer, guys!!**

**Alexeya: I'm…. Trying….!!! She…. Is…. So…. Strong….!**

**MaDz: Ugh! Okay, the candles are on! Let's sing, hurry!**

**Felicia, MaDz, and Alexeya: Happy Birthday to you….**

**Lexi: Come on, I need to make coffee! Do you want coffee?**

**Felicia, MaDz, and Alexeya: Happy birthday to you….**

**Lexi: Please! Please don't do this to me!**

**Felicia, MaDz, and Alexeya: Happy birthday dear Lexi….**

**Lexi: Noooooo!!!!!**

**Felicia, MaDz, and Alexeya: Happy birthday to you…. Whoohoo!**

**Lexi: (Sighs really loudly, which blows out the candle) What happened? Why am I all tied up? Alexeya, when did you get here? MaDz?**

**Felicia: See? **

**Alexeya: Wow.**

**MaDz: I can't believe that. Wow. I feel bad for her, having to be so nice to people ALL THE TIME!!**

**Lexi: I know! Wait, what were we talking about?**

**Felicia: She needs to be told to enjoy her birthday. Sad…**

**Alexeya: I am kind of officially scared now. But she wasn't really dangerous….**

**MaDz: Not really, except for when she broke the third pair of handcuffs…**

**Felicia: And now a note from the author!!!**

**Okay! I'm trying to update a bunch today, and I'm going to try to finish up most of my fics. I am going to finish this Breaking Dawn, then I am going to do a bunch of excerpts!!!**

**I don't own the Twilight Saga. Or Misery Business by Paramore. Or the National Anthem. Yeah. **

**Or, the Barbie Girl song.**

*****

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**Cheerio!!**

Bella: Eeee!!!!! I'm getting married to Edward! Even if I'm scared because my parents don't approve! Yeah!

Edward: I love you. So much, that turtles couldn't carry it!

Bella: Le Gaspe! Turtles!

James: Le Gaspe! Edward!

Bella + Edward: Shut UP James!!!

***

Bella: Eek! I'm getting attention. I hate attention. It sucks turtles!

Dude: Is that a car?!?!?!?!

Bella: Umm….

Edward: Why yes, yes it is.

Bella: ….

(Everyone Sings the National Anthem)

***

Renee: So… You are getting married.

Bella: Yep.

Renee: So…. I guess I should….

Bella: What?

Renee: When a man and a woman love each other very much….

Bella: Oh, like school buses. Where they come from? When a mommy school bus and a daddy school bus love each other very much, they decide to have a baby.

Renee: …..

(Sings Eat your heart out)

***

Alice: Hi! Bella! I! Am! Going! To! Dress! You! Up! Now! And! It! Will! Be! So! Exciting!

Bella: Are you high, Alice?

Emmett: I gave her these funny looking pills in medicine cabinet….

Bella: Awesome! Can I have some?

Emmett: Sure, li'l sis!

(Later)

Edward: What is going on here?

Bella: (hops up and start talking while dancing the Macarena) Hi! Edward! We! Were! Just! About! To! Call! You! Because! We! Had! Funny! Looking! Pills! And! I! Feel! Weird! Zzzzzz!

Edward: (headdesk)

***

Minister: You may now kiss the bride!

Bella: (tries to make out with Edward. Crowd thinks is sooooo funny.)

Edward: Down, girl. Love you sooooooooo much!

Mike: Damn. He had to get the girl. I'll try to break them up!

Jessica: Damn. She had to get the guy. I'll try to break them up!

Bella + Edward: (Sucks face)

Jessica: Edward? Edwarrdddd? Eddie? Edmunchkins?

Mike: Isabella? Bella? Isa? Izzy? Belllllllaaaaa….?

Bella + Edward: (Still sucking face)

***

Bella: EDWARD!!!

Edward: What is it Bella? Did you fall down on a banana peel in the shower, and fall down and make yourself unconscious? It's the fourth time this week!

Bella: No, Edward!

Edward: …..

Bella: Even though Steph said in all the previous books that it is impossible, and that vampires are made of stone, somehow I have your spawn in me, I already love him, by the way, and there is a bump already and I missed my period! Aren't you excited?

Edward: …… Ahhhh!!! Need to get it out. It could hurt Bella. Get it out. Think like smart vampire. Not Stone-Age Human.

Bella: Kill him? I'll see about that! Rosalie!!!!

Rosalie: Yes Bella?

Bella: You have to help me. He wants to kill him! He wants to kill my baby!!!

Rosalie: I swear I'll help you.

Bella: Thank you soooooooo much!!! Can I have some turtle stew?

***

Jacob: I'm emo. I didn't even play nice with the girl and she didn't pick me! Since I'm a guy, instead of shopping and eating chocolate, I am going to be all emo and lash out at people!

Little Kid: (stares)

Jacob: Stop looking at me funny!

Little Kid: Mommy! Wahh…..

Jacob: I do not like kids.

***

Jacob: Le Gaspe! Bella is carrying vampire spawn!

Sam: We. Will. Kill.

Jacob: Saywhat?

Sam: We can't let that THING live.

Jacob: Humph. I don't wanna!!

Seth: Me either.

Jacob: I refuse, I refuse, I refuse! Oh, I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now…

Sam: WTF?

***

Seth: Wow. Hi Jacob.

Jacob: Get out of my head!

Seth: Jeez. Emo much?

Jacob: Grr. (cuts himself)

Seth: Like, gawd, I wasn't serious.

***

Bella: Ooh, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby.

Edward: Rosalie! Please let me take away the baby that is killing my Bella!

Rosalie: Grr.

Jacob: Le Gaspe! Bella! Grr, Seth!

Emmett: Huh. You and Rose are sort of alike…

Jacob + Rosalie: GRRRR!!!!

***

Bella: Yummy blood. Oops, the babies coming! (Faints)

Edward: Ahh! We need to cut through the uterus wall!

Rosalie: Yum. Blood.

Jacob: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella: My baby…. Aw, she looks adorable!

Edward: Remember the script!

Bella: Oops, oh yeah, I'm supposed to be dying. (Stops breathing)

Edward: No! I have to change you! (Bites)

Jacob: It's the babies fault! Kill it!

Renesmee: It is NOT my fault, and why are you staring at me like that? Although I am only three minutes old, I can already think like an adult!

Jacob: Ooh, pretty baby.

Renesmee: Crap. He imprinted on me. Ah well, he is sort of cute. Although I am only four minutes old.

Rosalie: WTF?

***

Bella: Hello, all! I'm now a vampire!

Edward: She survived! Yay!!! Let's go drink some blood.

Bella: Okay.

(They go to a fancy restaurant)

Waiter: Okay. This Marlot is very heavy on the squirrel, but it has just a taste of mountain lion, and alligator.

Bella: Ooh, I'll try that!

Edward: Do you think you could give me the Cognat that is heavy on the mountain lion? Thanks.

Bella: So…. I love being a vampire!

Edward: I love that you love being a vampire!

Bella: Do I have a soul?

Edward: Duh.

Bella: Ooh….

***

Bella: My baby! Renesmee!

Renesmee: Mommy! I love you soooooo much!!!!!!!!!

Bella: Aw.

Alice: Oh, crap. The volturi is coming! You guys need to find whoever you can and make them sing the Barbie song!! But Jasper and I must bid you adieu. (Disappears in a puff of smoke)

Edward: WTF?

Bella: (Shrugs) It is Alice.

Edward: True… True…

***

Everyone: Le Gaspe!

Bella: Dudes! It isn't an immortal child. Her heart is beating, duh.

Everyone: Ooh… She is soooo cute!!

***

Volturi: We. Are. Here. To. Eat. You.

Aro: We can't eat them, dolts! They are vampires!

Caius: Stupid dolts.

Marcus: (Tries to slit wrists) Didyme, Didyme, Didyme…

Aro: Stop that.

Alice: Stop! See, here is Nahuel. That means that she isn't an immortal child! Ha! You have to sing the Barbie song!!!

Aro: Fine.

Entire Volturi: I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…

Caius: Being plastic… Is fantastic!

Aro: You can brush my hair, and take me anywhere…

Carlisle: (Sobs) That was… beautiful!!!

**My other stories:**

**No More Childhood Innocence**

**Bella goes to Forks school. Edward and his gang bully her, so she moves with her mother. **

**What happens when she comes back better, more beautiful, and determined to make Edward pay. **

**T for mild language. **

**Will like it if you are mad at Edward right now.**

**2. The Twilight Saga **

**The Twilight Saga as a parody. **

**I am very, very random, so if you do not like this, I understand. **

**But tell me, okay? **

**Rated T cause I forgot whether or not I put swear words in there. **

**Enjoy it!**

**3. Mike's Day**

**Calling All Creepazoids! **

**Come to the meeting of Bella Swan Stalkers Anonymous! **

**Anger her boyfriend. **

**Maybe she'll go out with YOU! **

**Mike after a nonsuccesful attempt to get Bella Makes a club. **

**Do you think Edward's happy about it? **

**Do you want to? **

**Do YOU?**

**4. The Monster at Forks High**

**Bella learns that some girls that she really doesn't like are coming here! **

**These mean girls are going after Edward! **

**Hilarity ensues. **

**Will the girls get what they ask for? **

**And will Edward freak out at some of the antics the girls use to attract him? **

**Funny.**

**5. Vampire to Burn**

**Modified by me and my friend Felicia, From Taylor Swifts Picture to Burn. **

**Just a song fic, if you guys want to use it just review or PM me. **

**Is not a Jacob/Bella fic! **

**They are just friends.**

**6. Bullets**

**Series of oneshots. **

**Named after the first one: In Twilight, Charlie doesn't take the bullets out of his gun. **

**What does he think now that Edward's left Bella in New Moon? **

**Coming up: Renesmee's Kitten.**

**7. Four Years of Suffering**

**Bella was left behind. **

**Four years later, she is in college in Alaska. **

**She finds a person from her past there. **

**Can she forgive? **

**Four months she might have, but four years? **

**She is broken and bleeding. **

**One-shot**

**REVIEW!!! It only takes a second, and the best reviewer I will recognize in the next chapter!**

**\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/**


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